Understanding Libido
If you’ve landed here, you might be wondering why your libido feels different lately- or maybe you're just curious about how it works in the first place.
Libido is your body’s natural sex drive. It’s not fixed or predictable, and it doesn’t look the same for everyone. Some people have a strong, consistent libido. For others, it’s low, quiet, or comes and goes.
As sexologists, we explore sexuality through a bio-psycho-social lens. This means that we consider the biological, psychological, and sociocultural influences on your sex life. This also explains why sexologists ask a vast array of questions about a topic that you may deem “simple”. We’re trying to understand the full picture of your sexual wellbeing.
The Biological Side of Libido
Your libido is deeply tied to what’s going on in your body. For example:
Sleep
Diet and hydration
Hormonal changes (e.g., menstrual cycle, menopause, low testosterone or estrogen)
Pregnancy, breastfeeding, and postpartum shifts
Chronic illness or pain
Neurological conditions
Substance use or alcohol
Medications (antidepressants, antihistamines, hormonal birth control, blood pressure medication, chemotherapy)
Physical activity (including both over- and under-exercising)
All of these things can either support or suppress your libido. And they can change at different stages of your life.
The Psychological Side
Your brain is your biggest sex organ. How you feel about yourself, your body, and your life deeply affects libido. For example:
Stress or burnout
Depression and anxiety
Postpartum mental health
Body image and confidence
Trauma history (including sexual trauma)
Perfectionism or performance anxiety
Low self-esteem
Mental fatigue or emotional overload
Your libido doesn’t exist separately from your mental health. If your mind is feeling flat, overworked, or disconnected, your body may follow suit.
The Sociocultural Side
Then there’s the world around you. Culture, upbringing, and relationships all shape how comfortable and open you feel about sexuality.
Some key sociocultural factors include:
Growing up in a household or community where sex was shamed or taboo
Religious or moral beliefs around sex
Gender roles and expectations
Beauty standards and pressure to look a certain way
Relationship status or dynamics (e.g., being single, in a long-term relationship, navigating mismatched libido)
Parenting, caregiving, or other social roles
Exposure to sex education- or lack of it
Cultural stigma or marginalisation based on race, gender, orientation, or disability
These influences are often deep-rooted and can have a powerful impact on how your libido shows up.
So, What Is a Healthy Libido?
The answer: it depends.
It’s okay if your libido is high.
It’s okay if it’s low.
It’s okay if it’s somewhere in between, or if it fluctuates with time, age, stress, or context.
Your libido is not broken just because it’s changed.
If you feel satisfied and content with where your libido is at, there’s no need to “fix” anything. A healthy sex life isn’t measured by frequency or intensity- it’s defined by your own sense of comfort, connection, and pleasure.
But if changes in your libido are causing you confusion, frustration, or distress (maybe it used to be stronger, and you miss that part of yourself) that’s totally valid too.
This is one of the most common reasons people see a sexologist.
Just as we care for our physical and mental health, we can take steps to support our sexual wellbeing. That might mean understanding the root causes of low libido, or it might mean rebuilding your connection to pleasure and intimacy.
Because yes- libido is fluid. But that doesn’t mean you’re powerless.
What’s Next?
This is just the beginning.
Over the next few weeks, we’ll be unpacking some of the key forces that shape libido: hormones, stress, sleep, confidence, relationships, trauma, medications, body image, and more.
Everything we touched on here? We’ll go deeper.
Curious? Good. Class is in session…